Strokers Cricket Club vs The Cuckoos

Stroking the Cuckoo: ‘It was more Jackanory than Wisden’

Excitement galore at the Upper Benefield oval last night in shock Strokers victory over Cuckoos

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Tim Pollard

Saturday 1 June 2024, 3.12pm, The Times

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The Strokers snatched unlikely victory from the jaws of certain defeat in last night’s local derby, silencing the newly formed Cuckoos in a T20 thriller. Played under leaden skies in Upper Benefield, Potter’s People provided a Stroking masterclass for villagers and wives, wandering fans and passengers on the upper deck of the X4 buses passing on the hour.

A new team formed of senior Eltonians, the Cuckoos won the toss and sent the Strokers in to face the music. After a customary auction of the batting order, out strode Spragg Jr and Middleton to the crease, resplendent in their cream, maroon and blue regalia looking every inch sporting leviathans seeking Wisden fame.

Sadly Mids was back in the hutch before too long, without troubling the scorebook – more Jackanory than Wisden – but young Spragg was dabbing and driving the ball to all four corners of the oval on his way to a solid 13. He was ably joined by Hammond-Chambers batting at 3, who delivered a masterclass in stylish creasemanship to calm nerves after the early alarm of the scoreboard reading 2-1. Singles and double-taps accrued until JHC was caught on 9 after some impressively long-limbed lunging and defensive strokes.

At this point, all hell broke loose as a typical Strokers collapse unfolded before spectators’ disbelieving eyes. From the steadying hand of 22-2 (a scoreline to please Richie Benaud fans), it was soon 29-4 as Perkins was given LBW for a duck, Kemp Jr notched up a single before being run out erroneously by a run-hungry Kisiel and Rory Potter Jr notched up a solitary single before his wickets were clattered by Cuckoo Goddard on his way to a maiden fivefer.

Out strode Pollard batting at 8, looking to partner with the one Stroker who showed any backbone with the bat – his Tim-sake Kisiel – and a few busy nurdles later, hot-footed it back to tend to the scorebook after being caught trying to loft one over mid-off for 2. The score? A perilous 46-7.

Toad then hopped out to the crease sporting a brand new bat after he shattered his old club in last week’s thrilling encounter with the Ramblers. His dashingly unbranded wand helped him build a fine partnership with Kisiel, notching up a dozen busy runs from assorted singles and one lush drive for four. Vice-captain Kisiel really did deliver TK Max last night: forced to retire on 25, he gave way for Jonny Potter Sr who smote and battered his way to 6 before beefy Baker Jr (1 not out) came in to join forces with the returning Kisiel (28 not out). Our total? 85 after 20 overs felt significantly under-par, but many years of experience have proved that in Strokerland anything can happen…

A rapid turnaround saw The Strokers XI discard their crusty pads and gloves, polish off their pints and don their handsome jerseys, for there was an unwelcome nip in the air that belied the last day of May. Not that our opening combo noticed a jot, for Perkins and Rory Potter Jr strode out glowing with fiery pride, the attack bowlers conceding just two runs apiece in their first overs.

Our paceman Perked up when he clean bowled the Cuckoo opener in his second over, sending the fear of God into the cuckolded masses watching from the sideline. With laser-like accuracy, Perkins provided more Dots than an early 1980s episode of Eastenders, finishing with a miserly 1-6 off his four overs. Potter Jr wasn’t far behind with his mystifying spin, producing equally stingy pickings of 1-8 from his four-over spell.

Stunned by this unusual roster of bowlers who could actually, you know, bowl, things got even stranger when the first change duo of Spragg and Potter Sr were tossed the cherry and proceeded to pin the Cuckoos firmly back in their nest with nary a chance to spread their wings. The spinners snagged a pair apiece, with our skipper producing a stunning wicket that spat off the Benefield wicket on his very first ball. Wicket maiden ahoy! 👏

Wickets were tumbling left, right and centre. Mids’ jaw was on the floor, as the Strokers had the Cuckoos strapped on 33-5. Even the extras column in the scorebook was sparsely populated with a mere eight runs. This was a low-scoring game and the tension built as the overs tumbled. Meanwhile, the female branch of the Potter clan kindly lit the barbecue, motivating the famished Strokers to work that bit harder in the field.

Cue an extraordinary piece of athleticism by Baker Jr, who loafed a steepling overhead catch while running backwards towards the porky goodness wafting from the grill. A superb catch – and it seemed to inspire Perkins, who orchestrated a bout of pitchside parkour, roly-polying and body-popping his way to clip the Cuckoos’ wings. Many of the older guard watched on misty-eyed, remembering their own attempts to do the caterpillar in Clapham Grand three decades earlier.

To round off the tightest bowling display in recent Stroker memory, Hammond-Chambers opened with a maiden, took a wicket and conceded just four runs from his three overs; Kisiel popped his frog back in the blender for a solitary over (0-6); while Pollard unleashed his own peculiar aerial bombardment for six unpredictable balls that kept everyone guessing (0-3).

The game had run away from the Cuckoos; they were spared Baker Jr’s devilishly fast bowling at the death, owing to the Northamptonshire gloom, and ran out of time with a mere 61 on the board – some 25 runs short of the target.

A marvellous evening of cricket with a surprise Stroker win, crowned by a Saints victory on the wireless while hot dogs and cool pints were enjoyed by the Benefield clubhouse. Three Stroking virgins were capped (Spragg Jr, Kemp Jr, Baker Jr) and it was an honour to blood these youngsters in the mercurial ways of The Strokers.

THE STROKERS vs THE CUCKOOS

Date: Friday 31 May 2024

Venue: Upper Benefield

The Strokers innings: 85 (Kisiel 28 NO, Spragg 13, Toad 12)

The Cuckoos innings: 61 (Potter Sr 2-12, Spragg 2-18, Hammond-Chambers 1-3, Perkins 1-6, Potter Jr 1-8)

Result: The Strokers won by 24 runs