16 Jun 23 – Strokers vs Elton
The Strokers took their advanced-level cricket test at Elton Hall on Friday evening, in the sunniest, brightest match of the year in front of one of north Cambridgeshire’s finest country piles.
In further proof that the club’s governance sub-committee doesn’t understand GDPR, the governors have decided to publish the players’ scorecards in the name of transparency and Strokemanship.
Jones (5)
It was unfortunate to see Robert be bullied so oppressively in the middle by that nasty boy in the class next door, St John. We will be having words with his parents about the manner in which he was run out so rudely early in the innings, especially after his first touch sent the ball scudding across the lightning-fast outfield for a boundary. He looked in fine nick, but Jones was back in the hutch with a scant 5 to his name when he and Christopher met for a heated discussion at the same set of stumps. In the field, Jonah proved an erstwhile slip fielder and moved heaven and earth to stop the edges, nips and cuts from daunty Elton blades with an alacrity of movement that was quite captivating to behold.
St John (2-41 and 9 runs)
I was disappointed to see Christopher run out his classmate Jones – especially so early in the term and when he himself could only muster 9 runs before being caught by The Rock. He also needs to give his cricket bat some attention: it looked quite battered and held together by masking tape and whimsy. Such poor standards of preparation do not reflect well on The Strokers or our woodwork skills. However, Singe burned brightly when bowling, taking a wicket in his first over – one of a pair of Elton scalps his loopy wrist spinners gladly picked up on his way to 2-41 off six overs.
Williams (0-23 and 12 runs)
Ian toiled so hard at his bowling, only to emerge with figures of 0-23, but this belies some serious effort from the big guy during his five overs. Always hard-working, Williams used his height to great advantage and proved a fearsome prospect hurtling down the wicket. With the bat, Ian was just settling in after a couple of boundaries when he was trapped LBW in a dubious call from the opposition umpire. Shame… he was just getting into his ludicrously long stride.
Perkins (0-36 and 7 runs)
The Strokers in-house benefits scheme had lots of Perks on Friday night – he really did lead by example with six overs of brisk, medium-fast bowling and Matt was unlucky to emerge with no wickets for his graft. It’s worth noting that the sun was at its hottest at 5pm when he opened The Strokers attack. Batting at four, Matthew was a quick scorer, nudging and nurdling the cherry around Elton Park for a brisk 7 before lofting a high ball that was caught.
Toad (5)
Young Mr Toad was a joy in the field – gleefully going wherever directed by new PE teacher Mr Potter, who was very keen to check how bored his fielders were and rotate them appropriately. He jogged this way and that, merrily stopping balls, throwing his body around and blocking anything that came his way. When padded up, Tonker Thompson knocked a few quick 2s before succumbing to a temping ball from Rock that ricocheted skywards for an easy catch.
McLair (13)
It was a shame that Gary showed a little too much of his Glaswegian ancestry by arguing with the head teacher out in the middle upon his dismissal. 1st XI captain little Jonny Potter had to ask Gary to go and apologise to the umpire for his histrionics after being given out LBW. We’d like to see Master McLair at Sunday detention a little less frequently next term please. He did, however, show great initiative by swapping bats halfway through his innings – no wonder he was third top scorer with a solid Toby Baker’s dozen.
Sperring (0-37 and 10 runs)
I would like to schedule an appointment after class one day about Simon’s socks. His polar knee-length footwear might work in the Alpine chill of St Moritz, but his feet looked really hot (and overly stripy) at the Elton Oval. Despite this, simple Simon came on as our last bowler and turned out four overs for 37, which was quite expensive, but worth every penny for his unique Spanish style – a matador-in-a-box to Kisiel’s frog-in-a-blender. With the bat, Sperring’s sparring partnerships were always entertaining to behold and he knocked a couple of convincing boundaries on his way to a solid 10.
Pollard (20)
It was good to see little Timmy P. sensibly not offer himself up to bowl, as I think the big boys at Elton Park would’ve had his guts for garters. Instead he trotted round the outfield and hid himself away on the boundary ropes, where he tried to spot Wing Commander Drewett’s mile-high club flying lesson, pulling fantastic g-forces and shimmering wing-tips on final descent into Sibson airfield like some kind of latter-day Biggles/Tom Cruise mash-up. With the bat, Pollard provided a rare glimmer of hope, bludgeoning the Elton lower order all round the park, notching up his second-highest Strokers total ever. The hockey hook shot never looked so deadly.
Raby (0-29 and 0 runs)
Poor Billy had a tough time bowling in the second pair, but his medium-pace missiles were probing when on a length and he was quite parsimonious on his way to 0-29 off six hot and humid overs. Raby’s luckless spell continued as he was out for a duck after hitting his own stumps in a comedy spin-on-the-spot in the dying embers of a splendid June evening. He trudged off looking baleful, but Billy must remember that his uprooting would work well in dance class on Thursday afternoons with Miss Feather.
Potter H (21)
Potter the Younger set a shining example behind the stumps when The Strokers were put in to bowl. Wicketkeeping with the alacrity of a stretchy twentysomething, happy Henry really can stop balls of which us elders can merely dream. Stopping, skipping, swiping, stumping – the next generation really do have a bright future at The Strokers and he debailed one of the feistier Eltonians off the bowling of his own father. More lads-and-dads teamplay ensued at the tail end of The Strokers’ innings for an exceptional top score of 21 off 24 balls (the longest of our batsmen’s innings). Henry’s Strokeplay was exemplary, including three punchy boundaries.
Potter J (3-25 and 9 runs)
Skipper Jonny captained beautifully, as usual – and the opposition pupils enjoyed his cheeky but jovial speech afterwards (above). His public speaking belies the mind of an astute leader of men. He has clearly revised oratory and rhetoric better than his classics teacher gives him credit for. With the ball, Jonny slowed the Elton onslaught right down with our only maiden over and, although the opposition scorer’s writing got a bit messy by this point in the game, it looks like he took three wickets during his four overs – including a mesmerising potential hat-trick in his last over. The Strokers crowded the bat (below), the suspense built and the Elton tail-ender prodded the looping, fizzing snorter of a delivery away (mercifully short of the myriad Strokers standing in silly-mid-somewhere). It really was The Great Potter Throwdown on Channel 4. That he went on to bat with Potter Jr so elegantly at the death, scoring a merry 13, is testament to our leader’s stature. A giant among (short) men. Bravo!
Extras
One of The Strokers’ most consistent contributors – usually, in fact, one of the top performers in the class. Friday’s encounter saw a handy score of 17 extra runs added to our total – with byes (9), wides (4), leg byes (3) and a solitary no ball. Always an entertaining and face-saving addition to the scoreline. The problem is, what The Strokers greedily accept, they tend to exceed in their donations the other way… Our trade deficit stood this week stood at 22 runs surrendered.
Worthington
Poor Mark failed to arrive in time for Friday’s examination, after checking in with Matron after a bout of sudden hayfever. Missing anyone to give some real Welly to their innings, The Strokers suffered from a lack of bowling and batting and ended up being roundly beaten by 77 runs. Get well soon, young Worthington and don’t forget those Loratadine pills next time!
Scoreline
Elton: 207 for 5 off 30 overs
The Strokers: 130 all out off 29.5 overs
Result: Lost by 77 runs
